Beyond: A dialogue with My Consciousness (part II)
The happenings of last two nights had me stunned! It had never happened before. I had goose bumps whenever I thought about it. Was it real? Did I really speak to my Consciousness or was it some sort of Freudian Dissociative Identity Disorder1 (DID)? This second possibility made me nervous and frightened. But never the less, I had to admit to myself that the conversation was truly interesting and bordering on logic. I decided to wait and see what happens next. Was there going to be a repeat of what happened in last two nights in my sleep?
And sure-enough that night again in my deep sleep –
C: Hi Ajay, how are you tonight? I can see that you are disturbed and worried. You are disturbed and worried by the thoughts about past two nights. Not so much about the subject of our discussion or about its contents, but more about whether the experience was real or whether you are suffering from some sort of psychological disorder? Well let me put your doubts to rest first. Ajay, I am real. In-fact I am the only thing that is real in this entire Universe! That being said it should also put to rest your second worry . No, you are perfectly mentally fit and normal that is the reason why we can have this communication, this connect in the first place.
So, forget all other worries and focus on what I am telling you. Nothing has been, IS and will be more important EVER. So, put all your focus into knowing and understanding, what I am telling You. Know and understand your true self, your true nature. Truly know, WHO YOU ARE! DO NOT be feigned by your EGO. Put your faith in ME.
M: Hmm..., Well this is really pacifying and reassuring. Yes, what you felt is right, I am disturbed and worried as you said, and for the reasons You so accurately pointed out. But it’s funny, now that I am talking to You, I am no longer feeling that anxiety in me! It’s as if it has vanished in thin air! In-fact I am now encompassed with a feeling of calmness, bliss and serenity and I have an eagerness inside me for listening to what You want to tell me. I am not able to reason why I am feeling so in your presence.
C: My dear that is good. Also, it is bound to happen so, because You are now connected to me, your Consciousness. I am pure Existence, I am pure Consciousness and I am pure Bliss. I am “Sat-Chit-Anand”.You Ajay, are no different. You are the same.
M: So last night you explained me about Ego but I am yet not clear on that subject. Can you please elaborate more to make it simpler?
C: Sure of course. Let’s start again but in a simpler way now. Tell me again, “Who are You?”
M: I am Ajay of course.
C: Since when do you know yourself as Ajay?
M: Right from the time I was born. My parents gave me this name.
C: Think again and very slowly now, try to be more accurate in your answer and tell me again, since when do you know yourself to be Ajay?
M: At an early age, probably when I started to respond to people calling me ‘Ajay’. I can’t be very sure as I was very small, but I assume I must have probably been around 6 months old.
C: Good, its close enough for our purpose of discussion for now. So, it was around that time you got an identity or a tag in this physical world and you just responded to that tag. There was just only this cognization that this tag ‘Ajay’, was referred to You. But for the rest of people ‘Ajay’ meant Son of ABC & XYZ (Your parents), he is X years old, he belongs to E caste etc. Now, let us go back a little. When you were in your mother’s womb. Who were you then? because certainly you were not ‘Ajay’ as ‘Ajay’ was a name given to you after your birth.
C: I know it is a complex and difficult question to answer, and we will answer that together later. It can wait for now. For now, we are trying to differentiate between You and Your Ego? To get clarity on the fact that You are not your Ego. So, let’s now come to the same question again but from the perspective of present. Who is ‘Ajay’?
When you were in your mother’s womb there was no ‘Ajay’.
Even immediately after your birth there was no ‘Ajay’
Then people started calling you ‘Ajay’ and you responded to that name (a tag), still there was no ‘Ajay’ there (understand that there was just this cognizance from you, that whenever you heard this name you should respond). You merely responded to that name as it suited your purpose. The purpose of survival of this physical body which you thought was you. With passing of time, that mere tag (label) that was given to you, came alive. It came alive because you started to associate your physical body with that tag. That tag which was just a reference to you became You. This is the time when ‘Ajay’ was born. Today you think of yourself as ‘Ajay’ who has this body along with all the experiences which you have had and those experiences have developed certain specific character which in this physical world is now known as ‘Ajay’.
So, a mere tag has developed a specific character and a personality which you are now associating with as yourself. This is what is the ‘Ego ‘. This is not You, because you are pure existence, pure consciousness, pure bliss. You are me. You are incorruptible. Now, do you understand? So, Ego is the metamorphosis and merging of a simple tag/label into one’s self.
M: Yes, but now I have new questions.
C: Of course, there will be and we shall answer them all, in the course of time. But for now, the dawn beacons you again, so it’s time to stop now. See you again …, till then ‘Shubham bhavatu ‘.